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In this piece, policy researcher Isobel Standing encourages us all to be proactive about seizing local opportunities to connect and collaborate with people of different ages.
Pixar, the animation company, has pioneered the practical use of micro-behaviours to create powerful and beneficial multigenerational relationships. In their creative process, they consciously bring together
people with different skills and ages in an environment of equality, with no name tags, no titles, no
reserved seating and no hierarchy in order to strengthen teamwork and generate original ideas.
Based on our experience we have identified a number of practical forms of micro-behaviour to create and develop strong multigenerational relationships including: the importance of taking advantage of existing multigenerational groups (clubs, teams, classes), making the effort to contribute by organising multiple additional opportunities to meet together, emphasising the importance of equality, of being equal and behaving as if everyone is equal. Always recognising what you can learn from the group and being open-minded.
I have benefited from having many meaningful interactions across generations as a result of joining
established clubs and classes in my area. Every week, I go to sports club events and an art class, making
strong connections with people of different generations, which I could not do anywhere else. Attending
these clubs and classes allows me to foster multigenerational relationships without the pressure of having to generate these opportunities alone, an important lesson. Opportunities for connection already exist, and all they require is my genuine participation. Internalising this fact gave me the confidence to go out and join these clubs. More importantly, it demonstrated that I was not alone in my search for connection and that it was much easier than I expected. The connections I have made were also the result of approaching the groups with an open, receptive mind. This means being prepared to learn and actively seeking out expertise and support from other members of the group. As a result, I was able to reap the benefit of others’ expertise, and they got the benefit of being listened to and sharing their knowledge. Everyone benefits, and the groups have become more connected.
My father, Mike, was lucky enough to join the Graduate Diploma Programme at the Courtauld to study
Art History. In his class, he had thirty students, from around the world, fifteen aged between 22 and 26,
seven in their 40s and eight older than 60. In his experience, the mixing of different generations created
increased openness to listen and new insights. It led to close and supportive relationships that made the
course more exciting and made the students more thoughtful. The group still see each other every couple of months. He identified two main lessons he learnt as a mature student about building strong
multigenerational connections. The first is organisational. As a mature student, he had expertise and
connections that many of the younger students did not have. As a result, he became the organiser of
get-togethers both during the course (museum and gallery visits) and afterwards in a more casual setting, like going for dinners together. For comparatively little effort, he made a positive difference to the group’s experience and established his role within the group. More importantly, it showed the rest of the group that organising was actually relatively simple and gets easier when everyone gets involved. He also recognised that contributing skills and expertise must also be balanced by humility. He said that organising worked best when he approached it as an offering, rather than a managed process. He simply
communicated places to go, reasons to join in and dates and times, leaving individuals the choice of
whether to participate. Part of making a strong, multigenerational group is not to try to take over. Rather,
the focus is to develop leadership skills and confidence in others. This had the added benefit of enabling
others to go out and be organisers in their own right, in other groups they are members of.
Drilling down into these stories reveals further forms of micro-behaviours. I recognised the importance of
generous personal sharing. This involved being an active, participatory member, and consciously giving ‘something of myself to the group’. This wasn’t money, but actions and creations, which were much
better. It included sharing ideas for discussion and ‘laying down’ my work in front of the group and
humbly asking for their judgment. I experienced this most strongly in my art class, where, at the end of
each session, we lay down all our drawings in a big circle and talk about them. There is something very
vulnerable about these ‘gifts’, which is why they are very powerful at binding a group together. My father
was always conscious of emphasising equality in conversations and in meetings. When he sat down with
his teachers and fellow students, to immediately break down any pre-held feelings of power imbalance, he organised in-the-round seating, which was remarkably effective. I also emphasised repetition. There are obvious benefits of getting to know people better over time. Also, the consistency of these repeated
actions generates deeper feelings of trust and reliability between the members. This is particularly
important in a multigenerational context, where you are trying to knit together groups that rarely interact
with each other. Furthermore, the repetition creates a sense of mutual obligation. Obligation is sometimes considered a dirty word in the context of community, but the truth is that very little gets done without it. Our sense of obligation, to ourselves and to others, is the feeling that powers us when pure desire to do something is not enough. When obligation is developed between people of different generations, we create habits that reinforce the power of the multigenerational group, maintaining it and strengthening it.
Based on my experience, focusing on micro-behaviours creates practical tactics to engage in and rapidly
strengthen multigenerational groups. These pathways allow the spaces of connection to flourish and grow, both extending and deepening their connective power.
About the Author
Isobel Standing is a Policy Researcher at Pembroke House, a centre for social action and residential community in Walworth, South London. Together with her father Mike Standing, she co-authors a weekly article on building communities, exploring engagement, decision making and social policy called The Archive of Free Thinking.